My little sister just found a condom in her bag i borrowed... Happy fourteenth birthday.
Ok Hollywood, I get it. Megan Fox is hot. Now she is in a movie where she is so hot that dudes just fucking die. Great.
she read insantiy as in-nast-tit-ty and asked what the hell does that mean...
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
Supposedly i was taking multiple birth control pills while screaming dot judge me. Never going back
he tried breathing fire using moonshine and a roman candle. would not have believed it unless i actually witnessed it.
wine lets you be on time to class apparently
This is a dangerous realization
You know how hard it is to play cool while not drowning and appreciating a pair of butts at the same time?
i would really love it if at least once per weekend i did not wake up to you half naked passed out on the floor
So the bitch asked me if I wanted the name brand or the generic contraceptive. Does it look like I want to be generically pregnant?
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Guess I'll put him on my to-do list too. But closer to the bottom since we dated before. That's almost unethical.
Through a complicated series of events, I wound up in the desert with a blue chick from comic-con. we lost peter. if you're alive, please come get us.
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Any chance he has an open marriage? That penis shouldn’t be wasted on one woman. It should be shared with all womankind, or at least me. I’m too good at sex to be deprived a penis that large
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