i saw a guy balancing a black cat on his head last nite
get a pic
i tried he was too far away anotherguy was walking with paper bags on his feet explain that
i want ur life
I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
there is this woman at the counter who looks identical to linda ellerbee. and she's grinning. COME. INSIDE. NOW.
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Part of my whole not being a slut anymore involves not giving other peoples boyfriends blowjobs
Apple should advertise that their phones are puke-proof. They would appeal to a whole new audience.
Not sure if it's my shorts, hat, shoes, hair or soul but one of the above just got me drunk again from the glorious aroma of Keystone Light.
This weekend i learned three things 1) skittles in vodka is good 2) it takes more than a roll of quarters to get a cab home 3) never tell a bartender to give you your change in actual change
So while you were living in this woman's apartment, you acquired a room mate, fucked her daughter, and killed her bunny. Worst sitter ever
Im going to hell I gave him a handjob on the plane next, to an old guy playing video games on his iPad, on good friday.
woke with Taco Bell next to me in bed and people's shoe sizes written on my arm.
I'm still depressed that I forgot my ice cream at your place
I went to watch porn and there's already 3 Santa videos. Happy November 1st.
Hey I had a great night last night but I don't want to lie to you I'm only 19 and that wasn't my place its was my cousin he's gone for the summer and I was just house sitting and watching his cat I'm sorry
and then she asked if she could shave my junk
and howd that go?
can you pick me up from the hospital?
Randomize
