before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
i want to swaddle you in tequila
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
This is no lauging matter. Huge cock equals great sex. Marriage to huge cock equals great life.
For the love of God you used a 40 foot extension cord to bungee jump out the off the 2 nd floor
Should we pre-order food to the ER for cinco de mayo?
Vodka?
Forever.
There's still helium in the tank I found in the garbage outside the bar!
just wanted to eat pizza off his dick so he let me and he can never forget it
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
In fairness you've introduced me to a lot of people I've only met once, for like 5 seconds, while drunk
This is why I only drink in places with a C or D health rating
I moved to this city Tuesday and got laid Saturday. Still got it.
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
Dude this weed has me so paranoid.
Yeah tell me about it I just screamed after I coughed because my own cough scared me.
Randomize
