just ate pastrami before passing out in my hotel room. My room smells like a petting zoo
wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
I know its only noon but, Im too drunk to hold this baby...
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
You took a fire extinguisher off the wall in the hallway to play Ghostbusters.
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
He's single. I'm single. We should rekindle our eighth grade romance over a box of wine and carefree sex.
This girl came outta nowhere yelling HOLD MY DICKKKKKK!
As his dick went in he shouted GOAL at the top of his voice.
You should not be allowed to go away on the weekends I plan on getting drunk on. I need someone to stop me from punching this guy in the face. It's simple room mate etiquette.
And I told him that even though were not together, if he has sex with anyone I would have sex with someone else, video tape it and send it to him.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
I need a drink and a shade of lipstick that will put the fear of God in a man's heart.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
The first thing my Christmas gift money is buying is a dildo.
Randomize
