Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
my goal in life is to wake up with my underwear on
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
he doesn't care that i have a boyfriend so why should i?
logic in its finest
i just heard her through the wall saying "not on my face! NOT on my face!" then a scream and "I SAID NOT ON MY FACE!!!"...nice work dude.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
The druken crowd just broke into singing "God Bless America" while waiting the newlyweds to get in the limo. My friend is eating rose petals.
I feel like all of the victims from Seven. Best birthday weekend ever.
Accidentally gagged on my toothbrush and puked up a Walgreen's cheeseburger. 1) I am not going to be on top of my game tonight. 2) Since when do I have a gag reflex? 3) Walgreen's cheeseburgers are awesome.
Just chugged a Bloody Mary in 60 seconds flat. New personal best! Happy Sunday!
How's dinner? Come here? You can bring your boyfriend if you're ok leaving without him
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
so let me get this straight... she's showing a cameltoe that can be seen from the space station and I'm NOT supposed to stare?
He almost got to me tonight but then I was like fuck it I'm going to dance with a teli-tubby on the bar so fuck you
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