It's really too bad Cosmo doesn't have "What To Do When You've Drunkenly Sucked His Dick and He Doesn't Text You Back" article.
MCAT status: Day 64, no longer can remember what sex is like.
I'm partying with my neighbors right now, and by "with my neighbors" I mean they are partying in their backyard and I'm partying in mine, and by "partying" I mean I'm sitting here alone drinking tequila.
Everyone is sleeping and i'm sittin here in my iron man mask, watchin chelsea lately and tryin to figure out how to smoke through it.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
How did you make it to work sans hangover?
4 words: Clif Bar soaked in tequila. Just like albert pujols
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
Before we fucked we both mutually agreed not to tweet about it.
He asked me if the reason I slept around is because I grew up in a broken home. I am so done fucking Christians.
The drunk fake out is her specialty. She'll agree to come with us and two seconds later we check to make sure she's still there and we see her booking it down the hall in the opposite direction.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
Do you think I'm short enough to dress up in a ghost costume and go trick or treating and have people believe that I'm actually a child?
I'm ordering dildos in a santa hat. You?
She asked me if I would fuck her with my storm trooper mask on
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
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