my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Its like fucking yourself in the head with a weed strapon
Amazing. Super drunk. We stole a street sign in a golf cart and went around jousting trash cans all night.
Tipped our cab with a photo booth pic of us, a paper dollar, a dollar in quarters, a crest white strip. And a tanning pass valid in boston
hungover at the ER to get half my contact removed from behind my eye. Not the start to the weekend I was hopin for
He is just lying there. People are throwing money onto his chest as they walk by...
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm sorry but I have WAY too many sex/ hookup related bruises on visible areas to be going home tmrw
I found a pair a guys underwear in my purse that has a British flag on it and says and I quote "British beef" what.the.fuck.
He asked if he could pull one of my teeth "to remember me by"
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
New rule: if you don't think racism exists, you don't get to put your penis inside me.
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