I understand how i shit in my shoes, but explain why you were wearing them.
he also called and said i only cheated on you 8 times but they were all trannies
and someone in the background yelling "one was fat so that counts as one and a half"
No, I don't think Michelle is a squirter. And if I've had anal sex, the Obamas have.
OMG THIS GUYS LICENSE PLATE IS GETTNHRWET
Had to make a piece of abstract art. Your dick is in it
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
When else am I ever going to have a chance to do lines with T-Pain?
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
he was wearing ninja turtle pajamas and he STILL got laid. who the fuck is this guy?!
it's a drink the shower water kind of morning ...
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Like I would feel weird too if you just cancelled our wedding, cut off all your hair and started twerking everywhere
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Randomize
