YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
Now that I'm the boss, there's nobody to yell at me for smelling like a bar in the morning.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
she found me naked passed out on the toilet and i just kept repeating "i'm like elvis, but not dead."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
He kept falling asleep with the pizza in his hand. I woke him up and told him and he was shocked because he thought he ate it all. Then he would end up falling asleep and we'd repeat the whole process again.
Come make me food. I feel like if I go in the kitchen I will just get Gin.. and pass out in there.
He stumbled in drunk at 7am, while we were getting ready for work. He poured a bowl of Cap'n Crunch, poured Jack Daniels on it., and said he was having "Captain Jack" for breakfast. I don't know how he's alive and employed. I hope the Cap'n calls in sick for him today.
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
literally who communicates this much post-hookup why r u like this
yeah the cops just showed up and they got there ass handed to them at beer pong.
We ended the night eating peanutbutter with our hands and smoking cigarettes in the house at 4am. Fucking Everclear, man.
Just because you can't have him, doesn't mean you can have his brother.
What about the best friend?
Randomize
