Call me so I can make it juicy for ya
He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.
we played lady & the tramp with a hash brown from McDonald's....im in love.
Found a barbie with nipples. Life is complete.
My mom is pretending to be Paula Deen while making breakfast...I'm pretty sure she's sober.
And my fence, why is part of it on the roof?
Today was my first day of hebrew and I learned how to say give me sex... I think I can quit now
I just taped a plastic bag to my ceiling for the next time I have to throw up on the top bunk. Why am I so good at college?
Ask him to get me chedder bratwurst instead of the molly
Unless if you guys already left. Then I want the molly
We stopped mid-sex and both shotgunned a beer then got back to it. Is this what love feels like?
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And you hate the library
Yea but I love drugs and my grades
(919) the date's not going well. He's on his phone talking about his eBay amine shit...
Note to self: NEVER have sex with anyone who is experiencing explosive diarrhea.
I've never been so happy to be celibate.
Randomize
