I sent you an email today but due to work restrictions, I had to misspell choke sex
Any time before 12:00pm. Can go fuck itself.
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
Just paid a $5 cover at a bar I stumbled by so I could puke in a toilet and not in public.
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
It's blow job season.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Step 1: Buy a house Step 2: Turn bedroom into sex dungeon
So you can text and rub it at the same time? Bravo.
I can do anything and masturbate, if I truly wanted to.
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
Randomize
