I wish your couch was made out of beer. I would drink like half of it.
he said i was weird because i want to have sex in public places.
i dont think thats weird i think thats fun
i forgot to tell you, he fell asleep outside my house again last night, but im weird
So there's 10 guys in this picture..I've made out with 5 of them. does this make me a slut?
eh 50% isn't bad..i'd say 80% is slut material.
It was like a lincoln log. Seriously. I don't know who's more pissed, me or my vagina...worst.hookup.ever.
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Power hour was a bad idea. It turned into power 4 hours, then power puke. Then power sleep till 3.
We team puked and then made sex like wild monkeys. If that isn't love, I don't know what is.
There would be some who claim I got a little "carried away" or that we "probably don't need that many jello shots". They would be wrong.
Is there a particular reason why everyone is now calling you Butt Doctor?
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Are cops allowed to hit on you if they're in uniform?! Serious question.
i woke up this morning with a fake eyeball in my pocket
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