break up sex still means we will always be broken up.
Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Forever 21 now has a maternity line. Even more of an incentive for me to get pregnant at a young age.
I just noticed she took the "toys" too. That's how you know when it's really over.
Penises. Penises everywhereeeeeeeee. Penis ratio is sooo disproportionate. I can't NOT get laid tonight.
In the middle of having sex, she said "if we continue, we're dating." I then pulled out and sat in the corner, naked. I deserve a Medal of Honor.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
My date just wheeled me home in a shopping cart but it was normal
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
that is our friendship pylon, do not lose it
fuck you.
DO NOT LOSE IT
I peed in front of kids, unfortunately
Randomize
