Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
I look like a poor person in the cast of Gay Oliver.
I forgot how few teeth there are in this state...
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
You wouldn't know anything about the tooth on ice in my freezer would you?
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
I literally told her "she's a sandwich I'd like to make" and that's all it took
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
I WANT TO JUMP IN TO A VOLCANO
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
I threw up soo much that I started crying. Then his grandma randomly came in and started rubbing my back...
Randomize
