I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
Just so you know, each of my boobs fits perfectly in a martini glass.
So the bar isnt gonna put that broken window on my tab. appaerently they want cash
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
We thought she was passed out on the toilet, but she raised her head to tell me the word I couldn't remember was "empathize." Then she puked blood and passed out.
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I woke up spooning with a broom that someone taped a mustache too..i need to stop starting my nights by drinking "hangover" wine.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
wow. that really looks like a penis. not a top hat
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