i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
so i was just informed that i sang that song "pop that pussy ayyy pop that pussy" at the halloween party saturday. iembarrassing.
people are starting to question the shark bite story
you were having sex in the bathroom so i pee'd in your bong water...
Operation Purity has been aborted
Thanks for last night. Sorry if i was obnoxious. I respect your morals and i wouldn't want you to lose your virginity to a drunk girl in your mom's prius.
If you're going to outback I'll have to decline, I've slept with a large enough portion of their staff already.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
she broke up with me the week she got divorced. maybe I should grab a beer with her ex
turns out putting a tie on my unicorn onesie didn't make it acceptable "formal wear" and I found salsa in my cup holder
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
So when the drug raid cops tell you, you should get out of the relationship, it probably means its time.
I think someone tried to make a huge bowl of ramen in my bathtub. There's noodles everywhere in my bathroom.
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
Randomize
