Single handedly the worst sex I've ever had just went down. Its like we both laid there after word-less thinking about the other " could they be any worse in bed" ?
i want to get drunk and sing the national anthem on your roof again please.
Excuse me but the alley way I wanted to fuck in happens to be a very nice clean area.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
He's acting like I should like him more than vodka and Taco Bell, but I just don't ser that happening.
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Apparently I tried my hand at mustard juggling. I wasn't very good.
no need to worry, I have the internet and a cape, I can accomplish anything. nothing can go wrong, I am unstoppable. Yo.
Things my liver can't take in one weekend. Surprise nights off at work and male strippers. Woke up jaundiced.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
Then I did coke with my taxi driver where he then ended up paying me for the drive. You should try being a girl sometime it's super sick.
I almost rear ended this hot guy driving a Porsche Cayenne just so I could get his phone number
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
There's a little game I've come up with since the mess of a party I had; it's called "tinsel or condom wrapper? (or: what's that on the floor?)"
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
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