It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
hey im gonna send you a picture of my dinner
if its a picture of your dick again we are no longer friends
My mom is giving me a "don't tape yourself during sex" talk. It's going to be a long car ride.
I'm picking out a half way decent top so if I get arrested I'll have a respectable mug shot photo. Always be prepared.
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
He left me a five minute voicemail apologizing for chasing me with a meat beater. I'm actually not sure what that means.
Did the math... it's Magna Cum Laude whether I get a 4.0 or a 0.0 this semester. I'm blacking out now, wake me up when I have to walk across the stage,
ITS A JAGER BOTTLE. NOTHING CAN BE BAD IF ITS JAGER RELATED.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Just to an Octoberfest and a sex party. Nothing wild.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
If you hear a sad honk in the wind it is me.
There can only be one screw up per family and I was here first. Get your shit together bro
Sooo does anyone wanna tell me why I threw up a cigarette this morning?
OMG YOU DID TO?!
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
