I asked my mother if she peed on that chair, she said "not bad" There is no good level of pee on a chair.
it was literally the size of a crayloa marker. i didnt know what to do with it so i just sat there
i do some of my deepest thinking on my wednesday morning walks of shame
You held your own hair and threw up into a red cup...I think they were more amazed than upset.
I can't wait to be a mother. My daughters gonna outdrink every boy in her grade
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
My password hint says "not sunset, also facebook." i need to stop doing computer things while high. I will never figure this clue out.
All I wanted was a hug. You dirty, dirty whore.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Got head last night. Had the 3D glasses on the whole time.
That BJ in the bathroom was definitely worth the $20 cover.
I'm straight up riding in the back of my truck in a bean bag chair right now. Feet propped up and four loko in hand. Glorious.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
It's official. Post baseball sex is better than post hockey sex. I hope the Blue Jays win the world series.
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
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