Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
soo according to the calendar on my phone, I'm 5 minutes late to have sex with that guy from work. Apparently we planned this, I even set an alarm.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
At Grandmas for dinner. She is drinking a smirnoff ice. As soon as I saw it I had to stop myself from yelling chug.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
I have bad memories with every alcohol but we manage to work through the problems for the good of the relationship
The fact that I am laying in bed on my stomach with an ice pack on my rump is a clear indication that I am no longer in my carefree 20s
If my birthday doesn't end with my panties hanging from a ceiling fan, I'm holding you responsible.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
Randomize
