he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
we're all still whores. we just have a theme song now.
I know its hard to believe that I'm already drunk at 12 p.m. but I am, so dont call me asking to go to the gym.
This girl did not understand, once police sirens go on, road-head needs to STOP
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
If there's so much of a hint of a whisper from somebody I didn't tell personally, I will cut off your balls with a chainsaw, cauterize the wound with a flaming rusty spoon, feed your balls to your dog, and feed them to you when he shits them out, capiche?
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
I traded my pants for a Santa hat last night and it was so worth it.
She told me she loved my new hairstyle. I told her its called head head.
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
I know right? It's like he knows how to pleasure me better than I do myself... He's like a prophet of sex
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