ps i'm pretty sure i was blacked out when we hooked up? good thing i was w. you and not an actual diddler or an organ harvester
Hahaha. Shut up you were blacked out my ass. U were str8 mixin it up with urs truly like it was ur J-O-B
was i over the top when i said that i wished they made v-neck pants to her?
i love how i spend my mornings exploring my phone to see what i did last night.
new hobby: convincing random sorority girls around campus that we hooked up last weekend. i'm 2 for 5.
apparently i was just sitting there with my shirt down holding my boobs saying "its ok. its all gonna be ok"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
she told me to hold the wheel while she hung out the sunroof and cursed the old lady behind us out.
love being home for thanksgiving just had grandma pick me up from the frat by her house
fact: I now appreciate my drunken winter self even more. I just found $20 in my winter coat with a note that says keep yourself warm next winter. I am awesome.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I am going to dream of scrotums tonight, I just know it.
All I could think of during that funeral was how great I look in a suit, how creepy catholics are, and how horny I am.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I just want to have sex that doesn't end like a B-rated horror movie.
THERES A BEAVER CHASING ME, ANGRY BEAVERS IS FUCKING REAL DUDE
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