I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
Doing final review now. Then epic shit. Then going to take it. Should start it be 1030. Done by 2. Drunk by 3. Hammered by 4. Blacked out by 5. Streaking by 6. Jail sometime after that
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
sounds like you fell off the wagon.
fuck falling off. at this point, the wagon is a dot on the horizon.
I don't see why you're so upset, it's not like you were wearing pants either.
Dude your not gonna get by security covered in blood wearing only a robe
Don't worry I'm drunk they won't say anything
You are so lucky you didn't go back to Tate's house. They decided to figure out who had the biggest balls... I was the judge
Lol what? Monday night impromptu acid drop was the alternative.
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
The more drunk I get the more I want to steal a lamb
What would be the possible repercussions of lamb theft
Randomize
