Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
I woke up this morning and was hoping we drank enough last night to have a unicorn drawn on my wrist. Good News: We did.
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
the only thing coherent you said from what i saw of you is when you were throwing up, i asked if you were done and you just "uh huh you know what it is"
He said he wouldn't use a condom because he didn't want to kill anymore trees.
His IQ level must rival that of a comatosed aardvark.
I think that was him coming out to me. I just brushed it off
This may have to wait till tomorrow. I smoked so my back wouldn't hurt and I overshot relaxed by like 4 hits casually
Are you planning on wandering into construction sites drunk and falling down 6' holes?
probably
I think you handled your pregnancy scares better than that cricket in your bathroom
I have so many feelings about this burrito
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
Shes the whorey leader of that wolf pack, and all the less whorey wolves report back to her. She teaches them the ways
Like he legitimately was standing straight up, feet on the roof, not holding on to a moving car.
Randomize
