dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just thought to myself "I should practice shotgunning a beer before Wednesday." I don't think my GPA is going to like this semester.
Im making gravy in a lace bra and jeans. Just call me the southwern wet dream
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
I just want him to go down on me while I eat a burger. Is that too much to ask?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
Randomize
