there are singles shoved down my panties. this is the type of summer job i always wanted.
I got a chicken sandwich and a frosty out of her. Better then having sex
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
the bar told me i would have to take an hour break so they could wash the shot glasses
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
If you don't sing me a lullaby then I'll just take shots till I pass out
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
Nobody wants to date "Eats Taco Bell Secretly In Her Car" Girl
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
Oh god, I forgot we had sex to Elton John
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
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