I just got three quarters of the way there before I realized I was way too stoned for class so I bought a smoothie and walked home.
I feel uncockblockable...banged her in the bathroom with my iv still in
I think whatever his name is just puked on the stairs. Just an fyi for the morning. Love you.
i'm out of college. that means no more sex on a twin bed. ever. i don't care how big his dick was. i'm classy like that.
By round 4 of the Dead End shots, I thought my jaw was dislocated ... Best invention EVER.
you say it like running around in your thong wasted is a bad thing
Just walked out of my apartment and came face to face with a shirtless dude playing with his balls and trying to tie his shoes.
My halloween constume SCREAMS "Hey i just got done with a shitty relationship and I'm DTF"
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
She wanted me to stick my dick in the birthday cake she got me
the last i saw he was butt naked on the top deck of the bus trying to conduct a drunken choir so i really have no idea
Drunk in my hotel room, eating taco bell, and crying at Nicki Minaj's life story.
This is why I keep you in my life.
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
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