I cheated on you last night. I slept with my laptop.
We just described beer as "big boy apple juice" to his 2 year old.
I just realized I've stolen a hat from every guy I fucked. Except the last one. Maybe there is hope for me.
Hmmm just stalked him and according to his facebook he wants "whatever he can get." obviously he'd be open to the idea.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
I think that's the key to being an adult though... Get those rapid fire beer shits out I the way early, then you can go about your grown man business
Did you know there is a guy on the porch, wrapped in your snuggie, singing no woman no cry and drinking wine coolers?
I was so drunk last night I asked a rando at the bar to take a picture with me cause I thought he was in the band
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
He was making a joke about signing my name on this piece of paper. He has a whole bucket filled with names on pieces of paper. I think thats how he keeps count.
so much tequila, so little girl.
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
Oh god it's open bar.
In the last 2 hours I managed to have romantic starlit sex on the beach as the tide came in with not only just a gorgeous man, but one who happens to be Eastern European and finishing Harvard law school.
Oh wow. I want to be you right now.
Randomize
