I glued a penny on the door Tricia believes its Patrick Swayze haunting our apartment. Fuckin potheads.
My mom just told me to drench my entire body in vodka for 20 minutes. I have never been this russian. no one has ever been this russian
after the first, "yea you like that baby", i quickly remembered why i had stopped having sex with him.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
well you haven't lived until you've been 86'ed from a family restaraunt
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
He compared my ass to "a 13 year old track star's ass." Umm WTF? Is that supposed to be a compliment? And when I questioned boy or girl he said "either."
My mom just asked me about the teeth marks on my headboard..
If I ever write a memoir I'm thinking "Choosing to sit in a vat of shit" would fit
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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