What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
you are the sluttiest virgin ive ever met
thanks it was an honor just to be nominated
The preggo girl brought her pet chipmunk to class today. fyi.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
I'm tired of stuffing my fat into a slutty costume. Next year let's go as homeless girls. Cute ones. In leggings with camel toe.
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Its not even real halloween yet. This extremely toxic yet briliant costume is going to kill me
i don't know why he's complaining, i'm the one with four hickeys on my ass.
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
I just ate your leftovers whilst watching Garfield and Friends. Thank you across the board.
I feel bad for her. If you sacrifice and have a chubby husband I feel that you assume he's not going to cheat on you....
don't judge but I think I'm gonna go fuck a dad this weekend
I was totes going to lose it to him last night, but I cried and we ate mexican food instead.
Randomize
