Maybe my heart is located in my vagina
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
I'm going to make him fall in love with me one blow job at a time.
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
Well at least he is okay. If you call the fetal position in my living room floor "okay"...
I didn't think about how painful the pumpkin seeds coming up the next morning would be. Oh well, I'm good at making pumpkin seeds and that's all that matters.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
My shoe was in my mailbox this morning. I can't stay sober today.
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
I found a blow up pig at an adult store. He will have to fuck that on video if he wants anal. Also, I bought a pair of clear high heels. Tell your brother I love him.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
Randomize
