In retrospect, pretending to punch a 9 year old girl in the face was a terrible analogy to use in a piano lesson.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
Is it weird being in the house without any roommates?
Nah, just masturbating louder
I was tripping so hard I was disappointed when I pulled back the shower curtain and shrek wasn't standing there
I look like one classy bitch running in heels through my backyard while carrying a small dog and a large bottle of booze. How am I still single?
Seems like you've kicked summer 2012 off well.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Ahh, 151. Think of it this way: it took one shot to get you buzzed, I took eight. I may or may not have broken a tv with my skull that night and met someone's parents naked and hungover the next morning.
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
if i ever get to the point where i am moaning when i pee, please do the honorable thing and kill me.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
Do you lock your house? Serious question, I need to know if I can add it to my list of emergency poop stops
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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