You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
You got kicked out of the strip club for spilling a tall boy on the stage and when the bouncers came to take you out you told them that they should probably go clean up your pee in the back corner cause they didn't seem to notice that
it glows. i had to have it.
You told me you were allowed to keep eating butter because it had just passed midnight and you were on the next day's daily fat servings
I was in the shower, he came in, had me give him a blow job, and left. I'm pretty sure I was just booty called. While taking a shower.
Her face is stuck to the frozen jager bottle. I think shes ok with it
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
I can't believe we had "50th anniversary of man in space" sex.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
I know. But whatever I'll just eat cold pizza and play with my cats by candlelight
Ive never seen one person more proud of themselves of peeing in public and getting away with it.
I had sex for the second time today and ate an entire bag of alligator jerky on the way home. These truly are the golden years.
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I achieved maximum drunk last night. It was pretty extreme. Woke up on a couch, outside, in a suit
I peed outside 4 times after the bar, safe to say I had great night
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