I'm walking down the street with a Starbucks in one hand and a flask in the other. People seem to have a staring problem
the australian girl literally just drank an entire pitcher of beer in about twenty seconds. i want to go to there.
The house is trashed, there is porn scattered everywhere like an easter egg hunt and the blow up doll is sleeping on the couch downstairs. someone covered her up.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
Pretty sure I just convinced a drunk guy at the train station that I was from the future
You screamed "I NEED TO GET THE WHOLE SET!" and then proceeded to try touching everyone's balls in the room
Hope I didn't wake u up but I woke up and there is a shirt, boxers, belt and jeans on my balcony, along with a naked guy who claimed to scale the building
We were high as shit. We argued for like ten minutes about going to Dunkin Donuts and then just ended up rolling down hills. Thanks for the weed.
I don't care how hungry or impatient you are. the highest setting on the microwave is 100% and you better not take it appart to add power. This is not the Enterprise.
I'll be home next weekend. Its mothers day. Let's party just enough so we are frightened it might be our first
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
How many nights in 2015 can we have no one get injured, run away crying, or get into a brawl?
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
What can I say, like your penis. The fact that I like the person attached to it helps too
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
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