I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
Call me back. I want to hear your side of the dead cat in my garage story.
i have a real life question, do ur boyfriends pretend to be vampires ever?
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
Hey sis... Don't forget moms day is this sun. And don't get her another gift while you are freakin high this time. The vibrator was embarrassing.
FYI the vibrator was a SUCCESS. She was in a much better mood this last year. Maybe you should get high this time and get a great gift
I should've been more social I guess. I feel bad not meeting the people who willingly sucked alcohol out of my navel...
We were fucking while the tv was on, and one of those animal cruelty commercials came on. We then switched over and started doing it doggy style. It was then that I realized that I'm going to hell.
How the fuck did I get back? Last thing I remember is being on some hot guy's shoulders yelling at girls shaking their asses
We'll talk about it later...
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
All I know is that I have a black eye and an extra $200 in my wallet. Other than that, clueless.
Just woke up in a Price Chopper bathroom stall with a half eaten cake on the floor. Had to get a ride from the waitress I made out with. What happened to "Don't let me drink Tequila?"
I lied.
Finding my pants in the morning should not make me this proud
Although, she is an extremely cool person. She put the "buddy" in "fuck buddy." And I mean that in the most respectful way possible.
Randomize
