she says it's "been amazing lately"
i think basically because i hate her so much i'm trying to break her in half
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
YOURE GIVING A BLOW JOB TO THE BOY WHO SAYS "OH SNAP"
A lady just asked me if you "seat yourselves" here at qdoba. I told her yea and she has been sitting at a table waiting for someone to take her order for 25 mins.
I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
I was sitting on the floor of CVS chugging white grape juice until someone asked me to leave.
I think my multiple attempts of taking his life, no matter how unintentional they were, has put a damper on our friendship
Im going in through the window and borrowing her dog. Dont worry ive done this before. we have an agreement.
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
I don't remember coming in last night, but apparently I ate a piece of pizza because when I woke up I had pizza crust stuck to the back of my thighs.
When I say "is it a bad idea to do Mollie before an 8hr shift tomorrow?" I dont want to hear the truth I want to hear you encouraging my bad decisions
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
One of the guys just came in and goes "i walked all the way home with a pumpkin". Night just got better.
Randomize
