Eric got herpes from Jo-ann
That's what he deserves for hooking up with a french canadian
turns out the guy i was dating because he was a cop was not actually a cop. i learned this as he got arrested by real cops.
you made me watch la bamba, and then you yelled at me for disrespecting your mexican heritage.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
i went to go through my sent box of drunk texts from last night and they were all deleted... i'm going to assume drunk me made the executive decision that sober me would be better off not knowing what they said
You know, it's scary to think that someday I might buy a pregnancy test with pride, not at 2am...
I don't really know I'm just giving her a key to get back in and the "don't get pregnant speech" and leaving it at that.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I hope your pay increase has gone through because I might need bail. This is not what I dreamed adulthood would be like.
I only listened to his story about leaving the Amish community because I was hoping for a free drink
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
He said I have a comfortable vagina. What does that even mean?
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
