omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
I'm in a trailer park. But I'm not scared. The virgin always lives.
Oh well shit happens. This is my not worried face. This is also my still decently drunk face.
It's like if you got one of your titties chopped off...think of how much one would miss the other...that's how I feel when we're apart. A tit with no twin.
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Kinda sad when you get home on a Sunday morning and the paper guy HAND DELIVERS the newspaper to you...,
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
Don't worry I'm alive. The apt is all locked up so I'm sleeping on the patio. The frozen pizza I got might be toast unless someone lets me in soon. If not its all good I'll be here snoring on the patio
He did leave his bud tall boy and 2 choco tacos, so not a total loss.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Stay calm. It's a titty bar. A ring of cocaine will protect you.
you made it your goal to puke in every planter around the union. you got most of them. im proud of you
WHY DON'T YOU WANT TO BE MY ESKIMO BRO
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
Randomize
