If I see one more duchette wearing Ed Hardy, but not actually having a real tattoo. I swear Im gonna shank a bitch.
LETS GO REDSKINS!
Quit drinking and watching your DVR, it's wednesday.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
the room spins SO much faster in panama
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
yeah I'm sure your grandparents are the best but it's halloween. get a slutty costume and let's go ham.
Just found the last picture of me as a virgin. Framed it.
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
you literally stared at me for three minutes and then said "hey this tequila isn't gonna drink itself, boss"
Last night I made the hotel shuttle driver take me to Walgreens for birth control, and Pringles.
They were both high priority
he went to the bathroom at 5am only to come back and squeeze my boob before going back to sleep
Considering all of my stomach contents ended up in my center console, I'm a bit peckish.
My girlfriend is so strong now. Like on the one hand its kind of hot because she can pin me down during sex, but on the other hand she picked me up and carried me bridal style at the company bbq.
Just got hit on by a 28-year old, quadraplegic, triple-cancer-survivor redneck. Now updating bucket list to meet newfound standards.
Randomize
