I find it ironic that homeless people are so good in bed
I think he may have overheard our "how much coke would you fuck me for" conversation last night...
he threw up on me, hugged my legged and then started laughing. when i asked him why, he said "it's like the sour patch kids commercials."
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
i like to finish this college football season knowing that not once have I had to masturbate to erin andrews
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
You rolled around on the floor, yelled about being a "half-zombie" and bit that guy on the leg who was hitting on me.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
He's beautiful. His facial hair makes me wanna cum in it
Ew, no. But yeah I feel the same
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
Didn't know where your dishes went. Put em in the bathtub. They're stacked taller than you. It's like modern art.
we are eating waffles in the pillow fort. Still think you're too straight for a threesome?
I'll be right over.
Will u lay on an air mattress with me and drink vodka while we listen to Rick James?
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
Randomize
