Im drinking a beer thats called vuuve which is boobs in begian. I think my life is complete.
there's no such thing as luck on your birthday, only drunken invincibility, make it happen
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
on the brightside, the semester can only get better from getting a dui at 8 am on the first day.
your optimism is becoming unhealthy
We woke up under the ping pong table holding hands.
it's not like this is the first time she's brought a guy home and I'm the one who hooks up with him
It's amazing how not interested in talking to him I am since I've decided that he probably has chlamydia.
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
its not that I hate him, it's just that I wish his penis was attached to someone i like more
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
Came so hard my ears popped. This lovely piece of news and pissin in my driveway brought to you by rum
Guy pissing in the corner in downtown Boston as his girlfriend is covering him up, yelling "relationship goals"
Just had a flashback of scottish man yellin' at my face. What the fuck I did?
I'm really sorry I bit your mom last night, it was completely uncalled for.
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
Randomize
