I'm reducing my diet to vodka and rice cakes.
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
If a vagina could give out awards, you should be preparing an acceptance speech.
i am an animal i am literally locking myself in my house and not coming out for a week i don't deserve to be in public
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
I think i was just meant to be a stripper. A ballerina stripper cat
In 2014 only three boys have seen my boobs so far
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
I started crying during a meeting at work and now I'm sitting on my couch drinking boxed wine at 1:30 in the afternoon. Fuck you too estrogen.
My boss spotted an injured PIGEON outside the front door this morning (at 3:30am) and requested that I catch it and take it to the vet. Catch it with what! Take it where!These requests have gone too far...
So here I am, sexting at work.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
