just do it
fine only cuz shes asian
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
he's dressed up as spiderman, i don't understand why he's crying.
He only dropped the Russian accent after we started having sex.
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
I am in a hotel room with 10 people. John is in bed eating an industrial sized pan of mashed potatoes. I think a non insignificant number of people saw my nipples.
I'm standing at the bottom of the driveway w a sign that says plow me
When confronted with a choice of going home or fucking the band ALWAYS FUCK THE BAND!!
My mom just told me not to dance on any tables on Halloween...I'm choosing to take that statement as a joke
There's a girl passed out on the sidewalk at the parade. Its not even 10am. She gave candy to children saying it was ketchup. Still think I have a problem?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I'm naked, eating straight Nutella, and listening to "Make you feel my love" on repeat. So no. He didn't ask me out.
What are you doing tomorrow?
Dude its my bday. Im drinking from sunup til face down. Rinse and repeat.
Randomize
