I just hatefucked a Bush administration appointee. Now having celebratory mimosas.
He just asked me to come into his empty apartment after he called his parents to make sure they wouldn't come home while I was there. This is starting to look like a bad rape scene from one of those made-for-TV Lifetime movies.
oh great. the only prospects for sex left for the night are douchebag in the ed hardy shirt & frodo-looking ass
fuck it... i'll be the lord of his rings
if only i could text you this smell
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I just found little boats floating in my bathtub....they are made out of white castle boxes, condoms, pickles, and corks. All the wine we bought is being used as the "ocean"....clearly we didn't drink any of the wine.....but I don't remember doing this.
Why wouldn't u just let me ride the washing machine
So I'm sitting at my desk and Thunderstruck came on my iPod. I then proceeded to drink coffee every time I heard thunderstruck. Who says you don't remember anything from college?
The fact that you're allowing Santa to dry hump your ass is sort of a dealbreaker
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
You don't know scared until you've just begun the first stage of an acid trip till a guy on stilts with a creepy mustache and beard says "enter the Forrest"
Driving home this morning in my minion costume makes me rethink the 0 tint on my windows.
Currently googling hangover cures, which looks a lot like working from the perspective of my boss.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
Randomize
