its not stalking. its research.
apparently the secret to your success is patron
his mom called while we were having sex and asked if we could finish in his brothers room because her ceiling fan was about to fall on her bed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
The lady sitting right behind me on the bus has baby birds in her purse. Shes feeding them bugs from a cup with a pair of tweezers... I love san francisco!
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
That freshman kid successfully snuck into a college party, got caught, proceeded to jump out of a second story window without getting a scratch then met up with us a block away and somehow managed to get a bottle of grey goose in the meantime. He is truly blessed by the alcohol gods
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
After that time I came to the conclusion that jeeps are the best cars to have sex in
Meh, all I have to do tomorrow is proctor an AP test. No loud noises and no physical activity allowed for almost 4 hours. Sounds like the perfect recovery period for a hangover.
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
