I have a new suitor he got my # last nite... I was to tipsy to function! What was I thinking!! It's like u when u first met me
after giving me morning oral, he left saying "hate to eat and run but..." oh yeah, he's getting a second date.
The pickup line "You look exactly like my sister" would only work in Arkansas...SCORE!!
Want to get together for a boner voyage before you leave?
No worries. It'll grow back. I mean, hey, my eyebrows grew back after he shaved them off. So it's all good.
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
Is this helping you get pumped up or am I going to have to send you more dick pics?
I just want a whole pitcher of margarita and a headdress from party city and sit around and look like a fucking indian princess.
Yeah I mean once a gun is being waved around, its probably a good time to leave the party
But the music was sooo good
pssssst. you dropped everyone else off and forgot about me. im in the backseat of your car still. can you please come back outside and either let me out or take me home?
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
Have you ever gotten such awesome underwear you wish you didnt have to wear pants?
Maybe I’ll just go to the party as myself
What, a homewrecker?
Touché
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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