the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
probably shouldnt have written that paper while wasted, its starts with once upon a time
i tried to stop you but you kept shouting "two birds with one stone!"
can't believe I ate straight coffee grounds to stay awake for that
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Thru out the entire phone conversation I went from thinking: he's making a gay come-on, to he's trying to sell me drugs, before realizing he was offering me a job with an internet company. Things are gonna be awkward in class this week.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
i feel like you're just hanging onto the edge of functioning wino.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
I would pay to watch a Bravo special of you getting Botox.
he has a party story that rivals our "PTSD- soldier-with-a-knife" party story. I'm pretty sure this is part of some prophecy.
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
He said the main reason he fucked me was cause of my storm trooper tattoo. IT ATTRACHES ALL THE HOT NERDS
You know the rule about how you feel bad for getting food and not offering other people you're around, does that apply when you eat burger king at a strip club?
This girls ass literally just fell out of her jeans in front on me on the escalator. Going commando on a Monday morning is a bold move.
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