I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
I'm going to come in a little later this morning....there's no heterosexual way to say this....$1 flip flop sale at old navy
she's googling pictures of Freddy Mercury and whispering 'I'm ready'
Maybe if i steal enough bar glasses i can justify all the money spent i've spent there
Just so you know I would totally fuck you. Does that count as a feeling?
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
Whenever there is a ShotSki involved, I have no excuse but to drink, right? It's like a rule.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
Apparently he proposed after he saw me chug vodka out of a traffic cone.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
There is a goat eating lettuce out of our fridge. Do you wanna grab a bloody mary?
Just had to break it to that one guy that I can't sleep w him bc he looks identical to my brother. So how's your morning?
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
he said "i'm the cat whisperer, watch". he took a hit from the pipe, grabbed the cat and blew the smoke in its ear. he grinned and the cat started purring. it was magnificent
Randomize
