She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
she was pretty happy for someone in the middle of a herpes outbreak, how was i supposed to know?
so does the 200 for rent and 150 for utilities include the never telling my boyfriend about the guys i bring home.. or is that extra?
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
Officially drug you out of White Castle last night by the hood on your sweatshirt after you cussed out the attendant and stole the satisfaction guaranteed sign because they were closed!
And then we felt it necessary to continue drinking for another 4 hours, yikes
He left for work so I drank pickle juice from his fridge
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Do you ever just feel the storm building inside of you that tells you you're ready for a giant indiscriminate fuckfest?
I realize my mistake but don't you dare school me in cock, young man
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I am going to constantly be reminded of you for the next couple of days because of how sore my vagina is. It's just the price I have to pay.
Randomize
