We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Also I just saw on facebook your sister is taking pole dancing lessons. Just a heads up.
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
Stealing vibrators from Walmart together was when I realized you'd be my Maid of Honor.
Wackin it to the USA womens soccer team. My own personal way of saying job well done.
Remembering I sold my brand new Blackberry to a stranger for a few pints = Worst night of my life. Now to work out what I did with my shoes.
She asked me to head butt her and after half a bottle of whiskey that seemed reasonable.
We fist bumped behind their backs while drunk hooking up with them... Do other girls do this too? Or is it just us?
I'm really high and I'm watching this show where Gordon Ramsay goes to other people's restaurants and just yells at them about things.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
Last night you said you were going to stop drinking and then proceeded to dip cookies in your vodka.
Sadly that explains a lot.
Yeah I ended up covered in the mud by the end, in a lady bug golf cart that was blasting jazz music with a dead phone
I'm just gonna ride this ego train to sex town
Slept with a member of the band last night, found out today after extensive stalking he’s engaged. Pro tip: don’t research one night stands.
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