my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
Dude you can't just initiate a threesome via twitter
forced to watch US open for father's day. only perk is discovering dustin johnson...reeeeally hoping that this golf sex addiction thing is contagious
Just realized the fur coat I am wearing to the wedding is the one I had sex with the groom in
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
I offered to buy ihop waffles for all the homeless people outside the metro. It was time to go to bed.
I'm currently looking through google images of circumsized penises and realizing how vital pre-marital sex is.
I can't. I drank 10 years off my life last night. I need to reevaluate. Sorry.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
So, I just found out Ireland, is #1 in binge drinking. I know its Sunday but this one is for America.
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
Randomize
